then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
