Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize
