"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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