Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
third nipple confirmed
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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