Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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