put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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