I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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