I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
