ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
i think my cat just said my name.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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