I cannot find my penis.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
My boob is missing a layer of skin
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
