I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
