He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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