last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
