what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
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