woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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