how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
