singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
time to smoke my breakfast
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
