He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Randomize
