some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
