I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
True strength comes from lack of pants
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
