yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Randomize
