garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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