come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
