I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
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