i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Randomize
