it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
