fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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