Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
