so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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