a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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