I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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