why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
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