So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
