We're like a lot better than the average bears
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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