It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
