Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
