Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Randomize