yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize