"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
