God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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