It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
