I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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