I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize