Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
