good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
