Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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