try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
