Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize