I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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