I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Randomize
