her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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