I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Randomize
