why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
