He is such a slut. More and more my type.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Randomize
