i was rollin on her like bob the builder
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I am available for nakedness
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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