someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
