You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I want to fling myself into the sun
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
