fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
two words: eviction party
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
