tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
