dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
