I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
