I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize