If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
