Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
