party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
