we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
