when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
