I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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