And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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