good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
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