I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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