if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
