I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
