I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
